The Words given by My Father That Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a good place. You need support. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles dads face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a broader failure to communicate between men, who continue to hold onto harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the language of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."